Monday, March 28, 2011

Facebook-less For A While

Sorry for the lack of posts the past week or so… but I was on vacation, and the last thing I wanted to see was my computer. To help with that, I decided that it'd be a great idea to deactivate my Facebook account for the time I was away. Which, turned out to be an awesome idea.

I tend to over-check facebook. On my computer, on my phone, all the time. So, deactivating my account, and deleting the app off of my phone considerably decreased the amount of time I spent using those things. And some great things happened with that time.

First, I realized the world does not end if I am not constantly connected with everyone I have ever been acquainted with. Seriously. The thing I love about social networking is how easy it is to know what is going on in everybody's lives. But that is also the thing I hate. It's like information overload. It is also incredibly impersonal. I'd rather find out about someone's great day because I took the time to call them, not because they wrote it as a status.

Second, which should have really been first because this was the best part, on more than one occasion, when I normally would have been in my own little world, checking facebook, like while waiting for the bus I ended up having great conversations with complete strangers. I saw things I would have missed.

There's a whole lot more I could get into, but I have homework to do, a shower to take, and a bed to tuck myself into.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

From My Journal

I feel at peace sitting here, in the sunshine. It's as if nothing has been wrong these past few months. This is, literally, the first sign of spring after a long winter. Maybe it's just this sunshine, but it feels that way in my heart, too.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Not So Good Men

I had a different post planned for tonight, but then I had a conversation with one of my friends today, and that made me realize something, and I think it is very important to get it out, so here it goes:

My friend, I'll refer to her as "A", has been dating this guy for about a year now. At first they were good together, but lately he has been really distant and not keeping his promises to her. Even as simple as "I'll pick you up for lunch tomorrow." For the past few weeks, she has complained constantly about him not texting her back, making other plans and not including her, and pretty much being a jerk. I don't want to place all the blame on him though. "A" has been kind of ridiculous too, having other people talk to him and then tell her what he said, and refusing to communicate problems with him. But today, she told me his problem was because they haven't had sex.

I kind of wanted to punch him. But I don't actually punch people, so I wouldn't.

She's not the saving herself for marriage type. She's done it before, but she wanted this relationship to be different. She wanted it to be emotional, not just physical. And now he is about to break up with her over it.

This breaks my heart. As someone who is not going to have sex until I am married, I lose a little faith when I hear things like this. I can't believe someone would say, "if you don't sleep with me, I am going to break up with you, even though I know that you have been uncomfortable with the times you have had sex before, and are just not ready to have it with me, because in the end, sex ruined me and the relationship."

And it reminds me of one of the reasons I am single right now (besides the fact that I have a hard time getting over the last person I dated) and the reason is this:

A lot of men I know are not good men. When I say that, I don't mean all the men who are not good men are bad people. But they are not mature or they are controlling or they are just plain jerks to women.

It's not just the sex issue.

It's the men I know who tell women that they need to have their nails painted and nicely done all the time. Even their toes. In the middle of winter, when feet don't see the light of day.

It's the men who tell women how to dress, what they "prefer" on them.

It's the men who say women have to wear make-up, and shouldn't have a sweatpants day.

It's the men that would rather get drunk every Friday night, then stay in and watch a movie even though his girlfriend doesn't drink.

It's the men that try to take off a women's clothes, even when she says no.

It's the men who hit a woman and tell them "It'll never happen again"

It's the men that degrade women in their "jokes".

It's the men that tell you that you don't matter. Your beliefs are a joke.

It's the men that make you feel powerless.

I could go on.

But before I go any further, I'd just like to say that I know all men are not like this. There are good men in the world. I know a few myself.

I'd also like to say that either myself or one of my close friends has been a victim to everyone of those points. These things actually happen.

It's terrible. It's terrible to go through, and it's terrible to watch someone go through. But what is even worse is when you have to convince that woman that those things should not be happening.

It is so hard to tell someone going through this that they need to break up with that person. It is devastating when you have to convince someone that those things are abuse, and are not normal. It's hard to pick up the pieces. To convince someone that they are WORTH IT. That they are BEAUTIFUL and STRONG and DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER.

But that is the truth.

So I beg you, if you happen to read this and any one of those things are happening to you, please, get help. If you know someone who this is happening to, get help. We are worth more than this, we deserve better than this. I know, more than anyone it's hard to believe sometimes, but try to remember this.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

You Are More

Friday night, I got to attend a fantastic concert with my friend Pam. Tenth Avenue North and Third Day. They are two of my favorite bands. Some of their songs I have listened to in the darkest points of my life and reminded me about the light of God.

But no song has had a bigger effect on me this past year than You Are More by Tenth Avenue North. Two times since last summer I've dealt with feelings of not being enough. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not good enough, not worth fighting for. Once was after a very hard break-up (there's a bigger issue here, I plan on writing about sometime this week) and once during last semester where I honestly just wanted to leave school because I thought I wasn't good enough. I convinced myself that friends and family that told me that wasn't true were just saying that.

After that break-up I stopped eating, or when I did eat, I threw it up. I lost weight. I tried to pretend that I was all these things I wasn't, because that made me feel better. I put up walls. Every time someone asked me how I was I answered "I'm fine" automatically.

But during both of these times, I heard this song unexpectedly. Once while my iPod was on random and I was sleeping, I woke up and it was playing, and once on the radio in the car. It was like the song was written just for me, for those times. (Obviously, I know it wasn't, but still…) It stopped me dead in my tracks. When I was driving, I literally had to pull over because I was crying so hard.

It in no way healed me of my issues. I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I still wonder if God has forgotten me sometimes. But it definitely helps me keep hope. Hope that I am more than fears and pain and my past. And you are too. We are so much more that all of the things we have been through, all of our mistakes, all of our regrets. Everything. God has so much more for us planned… even if we have a hard time remembering that sometimes.

Friday, March 11, 2011


I love Fridays! Especially Fridays when I do not have to work in the evening, like today! In honor of this (and because I think this will help me be more optimistic), here is a list of things that are making me happy/things I am looking forward to:

  • Tonight I am going to see Tenth Avenue North and Third Day in concert with my friend Pam! I've been looking forward to this for weeks.
  • It's sunny out today! And 40 degrees!
  • Leaving for Arizona for Spring Break next Friday!
  • I found out that Skillet is playing a free show at this big festival in Tempe, AZ next weekend. I convinced my mom we should go. She agreed even though she doesn't really like Skillet.
  • I finished my installation photography project. And the critique went well.
  • This Sunday I will officially become a member of the church I've been attending since September. (and I have a cute outfit to wear… I know, that sounds bad, but I love reasons to get dressed up, and this is one!)
Anyways, hope you all have a great weekend!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


So, today is Mardi Gras! Aside from planning on gorging myself at lunch because I won't have time to eat dinner until like 9 tonight, I don't have any special plans. I do have a big critique in my installation photography class, which I'm actually super excited/nervous for, because I absolutely love my project (photos to come later).

Anyways, tomorrow starts Lent. Normally I give something up. Last year I gave up soda. It didn't help me with my love of Dr. Pepper, I still drink it. But it was a good experience. A lot of people I know are giving up social media. I think that is a good idea, however I actually use social media for a purpose and to connect to the kids I work with in a relevant way (and one where they actually respond, compared to email, which apparently is dead to high schoolers).

This year, I decided to do something different for Lent. Instead of giving something up I am going to take something on. I decided that every day of Lent I am going to do something good for someone. I am going to try and be conscious of what is going on around me and look for opportunities to love on people. Whether it be holding the door open for someone with their hands full, holding the door open for someone who doesn't have their hands full, helping someone carry groceries to their car, or whatever falls in front of me. I am going to pray about it, because I definitely need God's help with this one. Also, I am open to anybody's ideas of ways I can do something good for someone.

What are you doing for Lent?

Ten on Tuesday- March 8th!

1. How did your parents decide on your name?

I asked my mom, she said Kristin was just a name they liked. My middle name, Marie, is her middle name and my great-grandma's first name.

2. Do your initials (First, Middle, Last) spell out anything fun/funny?

KML. No. I wish they did though.

3. Did you take your middle name from childhood or did you take your maiden name as your middle name? (If unmarried, what do you plan to do?)

I think I'll keep my middle name.

4. Are you or will you name your children thematically (ie. same first letter, all of same origin…)

Probably not, but I guess it's a possibility. However, I'm a fan of names that have family meaning, even if they're considered "weird".

5. Did you decide on baby names as a little girl? Did you stick to them or change your mind?

I never really thought of names for kids as a little girl. I think of them now though, and I'd like to stick with them, but I don't think I will, because if I ever get married and have kids, I want to decide on names with my future husband.

6. Does your family have any names that have been passed down through generations?

Yes. As explained before, my middle name, Marie, is handed down. My brother's middle name, William, is also handed down on my dad's side. My dad's name, James William, was his father's name, and ironically my maternal grandfather's name. We have a lot of James and William's in the family, it gets a little confusing.

7. Do you look at the meaning of the name or just the name itself?

I like knowing what names mean, and seeing if the meaning has any effect on the person. However I don't put much stock into the meaning of names. I just think it's an interesting study.

8. Do you name pets with human names (Sally, Henry) or with pet names (Fluffy, Mr. Bo Bo)?

Human names. Out of the three dogs we owned, their names have been human: Brandon and Belle (I guess Belle could go either way, but she is named after the Disney princess). The dog we had the first 5 years of my life was name Muffin.

Edit: I totally forgot to tell you my rabbit's name! His/her name is Bunny. Creative, right? The reason I wrote his/her is because up until a few months ago, we had him for 5 years, and then he had an eye infection, so we took him to a vet. Who told us he was actually a she. Bunny's actual name is Harley, because we got him during Harley Davidson's big 100th anniversary party here in Milwaukee. But we refer to him… I mean her, to Bunny almost always.

9. Are there any names that you have an affinity or dislike for based on a childhood experience/someone you once knew?

A few names. Mostly because of people I know and don't really like for whatever reason.

10. What are some of your favorite names? Why?

Rosalie is my favorite name. I think it is such a gorgeous name and the people I know named Rosalie are incredibly wonderful, beautiful women.

Monday, February 28, 2011

One Screen at a Time

I've heard a lot about people taking a technology fast. You know, going a few days, a week, or longer with out their cell phones, computers, TV, etc. I wish I could do that, but I can't. It's not that I am not able to because I am THAT dependent on them, it's because of school. I cannot go a few days without using my computer, because being a photography major, taking a digital photography course, I pretty much need my computer every few days. I couldn't even go without my internet because of the online drop box I have to turn in my assignments for journalism in to.

So, I was thinking I'd have to wait until after the semester to do a technology fast. However, today I read a column in Entertainment Weekly about the columnists voyage to consume less media. He realized that too often he is using two or more screens at once.

I do this too. Surf the internet as I watch TV. Check my email on my phone, while watching a documentary on my computer. The list goes on. Instead of devoting my attention to one thing, I am constantly multitasking.

My new goal is to only use on screen at a time. Today was my first day, and not only was doing homework easier than doing homework and watching a movie at the same time, when I sat down to watch Pretty Little Liars (don't judge), I actually watched it, let myself escape for an hour, then came back and sent out the emails I needed to. The emails would've taken me the entire hour had I tried to so them at the same time as watching the show.

I'd call the first day a success. I hope that I can not only make this a habit but expand it to one tab open in my internet browser at a time (right now I have this page, facebook, twitter, and my email open… not productive.) I hope that I can become more focused, productive, and consume less media, but still keep up on current events, film, and the shows I like to watch. And actually watch these things.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Ten on Tuesday- February 22nd

Before I give this weeks questions a go, let me tell you a "funny" story about what happened to me this morning.

I abruptly awoke around 4am. I could clearly read the clock that said 3:58, however, I managed to convince myself that my clock was lying and it was actually 5:45, the time I have to get up at. So I get dressed, and put an english muffin in the toaster. Half way through buttering it, it dawned on me. My clock weren't lying, it actually was 4am. So I finished my muffin and tried unsuccessfully to go back to bed. Funny right?

Anyways, here are todays Ten on Tuesdays. If you want to take part in this too, clicky here.

1. What are your thoughts on Valentine's Day? Do you love it? Hate it?

I have mixed feelings about it. I generally feel that people put too much pressure on their significant other. Did you know some girls actually break-up with their boyfriends because they didn't get what they wanted to Valentine's Day? Anyways, I like the idea of a day devoted to showing the one you love, you love them. However, isn't that what everyday is for? I mean, I don't expect gifts or lavish dinners everyday (I seriously do not expect that or want in a relationship) but shouldn't the one you love know you love them by their actions all the time?

2. What is your favorite romantic comedy?

I cannot think of one romantic comedy offhand unless Enchanted counts. Who doesn't love Amy Adams and that guy whose name escapes me right now. But normally rom coms aren't my thing.

3. Meg Ryan & John Mellencamp: what's your first reaction?

I'm supposed to have a reaction to that? Were they in a movie together that I haven't seen?

4. All time favorite poem or quote?

"It is the experienced, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found."

From the book, Into the Wild

5. What's the longest amount of time you've gone without sleep? (like consecutive hours).

I think it was about 30 hours. And the people I was with were awesome, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

6. What color ink do you prefer to use?


7. Share with us a blog that you recently found and fell in love with (and link us!)

8. If you could be on a reality TV show which one would you chose?

I don't watch much reality TV, but I think Amazing Race would be awesome.

9. Mountains or Beach?

Definitely mountains.

10. With the Oscars around the corner, what's your pick for best picture?

The Fighter. Only because that's the only movie I've seen that's nominated for best picture. Unless Toy Story 3 is nominated, then I pick that. And if it wasn't then it should have been.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Turning Things Around

Lately I've been on fire. And I mean that in a good way. I've had a sudden burst of optimism that followed a moment of clarity. For a long time now, I've been pretty pessimistic. I've been cynical and mistrusting and pretty much scared at what the future holds.

Then, one day this week, it came to me. Why shouldn't I just be optimistic? So, I prayed over that thought, and it made perfect sense. Instead of letting my fears dictate me, instead of being afraid that something won't happen, I should be hopeful, no, expectant that God is going to provide. He will always do what is best for me even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. And since then, things have fallen into place. Granted they are little things, but enough to make me realize how blessed I truly am.

And that feeling, I can't even describe it. The feeling you have when you know that God is on your side, that everything will work out, that your past does not have the power to tell you who you are and who you are going to be, realizing all that, it's amazing.

I've also rediscovered my love for Third Day's Run to You (did I tell you, my friend Pam and I are going to see Third Day and Tenth Avenue North in concert next month!!) so I will leave you with this:

Friday, February 18, 2011

How He Loves, Flyleaf cover

If you listen to contemporary Christian music you've probably heard the song How He Loves. Originally written and sung by John Mark McMillan, popularly covered by the Steven Crowder Band. I love love love that song. But my favorite cover is by Flyleaf. I originally saw a video of the song last year on Youtube, but I just found out it is on iTunes now!

Anyways, I love the passion in her voice, and I love the words to the song, and God's love pouring through.

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves…

Thursday, February 17, 2011

As of Late


Lately I've been dwelling on regrets more often than normal.

Lately I've been listening to The Ember Days' Fingerpainting EP while trying to relax.

Lately I've been really emotional.

Lately I've been praying more than I normally do.

Lately I've been really inspired in my two photo classes.

Lately I've eaten lots of candy.

Lately I realized that I have a lot to figure out still.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Favorite quote, from my favorite book because I am trying to inspire myself

"It is the experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found."
-Chris McCandless, Into the Wild

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Inspiration and photos and fears

I was going to start out this post with a quote from my media law class, but after I typed it I realized that it might send the feds after me. So I'll just tell you it had something to do with directions on how to make a nuclear weapon. But I swear, it was all for the understanding of law-type stuff!

Anyways, today was sort of a weird day. I had no motivation to go to 3 of my 4 classes, but I forced myself to and ended up being pretty happy I did. I'm especially happy I had 2 strokes of inspiration, one for each of the 2 photo projects I need to do in the next week. And especially for my project for installation… it's too long to explain, but I am super excited for this one!

Tonight I've been going through old photos to use for said photo project. Which is… emotional. I realized there are a lot of memories I tend to suppress because it's either too hard for me to think about or the person associated with that memory is someone who hurt me or I hurt them. But I'm not staying away from those photos. I'm putting them in as an effort to try to move on. Let go.

I also had a really deep conversation with a classmate I don't know all too well about fears. Specifically my fear of never finding my "soul-mate" or future husband. Her fear is opposite of mine, which is falling out of love with her future husband. Neither of us did anything to console or help each others fears, but it was nice putting it out there. And being transparent for once.

So yes, that was my day. I have Glee and NCIS on my DVR, so if you watch those shows, please don't tell me anything about them!

Ten on Tuesday: February 15th Edition

This weeks questions, found here are very summer-ish, which is awesome, being that it feels like summer is on the way. It was 40 degrees here, and it's supposed to get up to 50 by the end of the week! Anyways, here it goes:

1. Any vacations you are looking forward to this summer?
This isn't a vacation per say, but the national church conference I attend every year, HOPE, is in Arizona this year. I cannot wait for that!

2. What is your favorite article of summer clothing (shoes are included)?
Sandals. My feet like to be free!

3. What is your favorite summer drink (alcoholic or non)?
Sweet tea.

4. Do you tan or burn?
I burn very badly, then it turns to tan.

5. Any goals you are working toward this summer?
Yes, but not any that I'm willing to share at this moment. It's a surprise!

6. What is your favorite summertime food?
Bratwurst. That has simmered in beer. Then cooked on the grill. So yummy!

7. What song most says “summer” to you?
Zak Brown Band, "Toes"

8. Any home improvement goals planned for this summer?
Maybe some cleaning, but nothing major.

9. What is one thing you hate to see at the beach?
Speedos, but only on old people. I used to be on the swim team, so I have no problem with speedos on fit young people.

10. Did you ever go to a summer camp?
I go to a week-long church conference every year, and when I was in high school I went to swim camps, which were normally pretty awesome.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

6 Confessions

Lately I've been seeing on various blogs "6 Confessions" posts. I feel like joining in too! Here are mine:

1. My biggest fear is that either I'll never find the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with or I already have and I messed it up.

2. I really hate chicken.

3. I love driving long distances. It clears my head. I tend to go for drives when I'm upset.

4. I tend to dwell on the past, especially regrets, mistakes, and things that didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. I also take a long time (probably an unhealthily long time) to get over things. Which is why my resolution this year was to learn to let go, which is incredibly hard to do.

5. My best friends live in Iowa and California. I live in Wisconsin. It's hard, but we make it work, and I would not be who I am right now without them.

6. I love coloring books. More than a 22-year-old should.

Saturday, February 12, 2011


I'll never be good enough.

If I were skinnier, he would've stayed.

I should be more like her.

It's totally my fault. He just told me it wasn't to make me feel better.

I don't deserve to be happy.

I need to be prettier for him to like me.

There must be something wrong with me.

I am not good enough.

I am not smart enough.

I am not creative enough.

I am not pretty enough.

No one actually likes me.


And I bet you have told yourself one of these. I bet you have made yourself believe one of these. I know I have. In fact these are direct quotes from my journals. I have told myself these things so many times. Others have told me these things. Over and over again. Until I believed them as truth.

But these are not the truth.

The truth is you are beautiful.

You are made in God's image.

You are made the way He meant you to be.

There is nothing wrong with you.

You deserve to be happy.

You deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are. Not who they want you to be.

You are incredible and wonderful and loved. Remember that. That is the truth.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Pneumonia :(

I went to the doctor yesterday, after going to the student health clinic before the weekend, because I have a terrible cough and chest pain and I can't even breathe deeply or make it through two sentences without coughing.

The heath center pretty much told me I have a virus, gave me some cough medicine (which ended up not helping one bit), and made me leave.

So yesterday, I go to the doctor, and then I get a chest x-ray, and it turns out I have pneumonia (that's an incredibly hard word to spell!). Which means antibiotics for a week, cough medicine with codeine in it for at night, and a new inhaler to control my asthma. Fantastic, except not at all.

So yeah. That was pretty much the extent of my day.

Oh, wait! We had a really cool artist come and speak to my photography and installation class today. Check out her work here.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Being an art major is pretty awesome. It pushes me into finding creative solutions for problems. It pushes me to be creative, even during times I'm not feeling it. I like a lot of the people I meet in the program. However, a lot of people I meet are atheist, which is fine with me, except for those who feel the need to offend my belief in God. Which happens a lot more than I'd like it to in my classes.

A few years ago, I witnessed someone who had been in my drawing class literally spit in the face of an evangelist preaching on campus.

I can't begin to count the number of times I have heard God being compared to Santa Claus.

And yesterday I had a conversation that included this, "I'm sorry there are no kids to rape so I'll just read from the Bible, I mean, it's boring and made up anyways." Let me put that into context for you: the teacher for my 8am class told us that if we are late, we can give a performance to the class instead of taking the half absence. The guy I was talking to and I were talking about the things we could do, I said, I'll keep a copy of the Constitution in my bag and read it if I'm late. Then he said, "You could just keep one of those little bibles they hand out and read that." Then he said "And when the teacher stops me I'll say:… (insert the quote from above here)"

I was SO offended by that. But it got me thinking, a lot of conversations I've heard that are anti-Christianity are largely based on misconceptions. Or conceptions based on one person who calls themselves Christian. Or what the media portrays.

But what makes me more made is that I don't have the guts to stand up for what I believe when I'm offended by people. I hate that about myself. I hate that I'm too shy to stand up to my peers when they offend me. So not only am I left feeling like I am the only 21-year-old in the world who believes in God, believes in saving sex until marriage, believes in marriage in general, etc. I'm also left feeling mad at myself for not being the person I am called to be. For not being a witness to God's glory.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Ten on Tuesday: Feb. 8, 2011

1.What’s your favorite kind of donut?
I love Dunkin Donuts! I know that is not a specific kind, but I hardly ever get Dunkin Donuts due to the severe lack of them in the Milwaukee area. Their iced coffee is also fantastic!

2. Do you use the snooze button?
Yes, all the time. I actually set my alarm so I can press the snooze button twice. So, if I want to get up at 6 am, I set my alarm for 5:42, because my sleep alarm is 9 minutes.

3. Do you write in cursive, print, or a combination of the two?
A combination of the two.

4. Tell us a joke.
I'm really bad with jokes, but my friend is currently doing a weekly series called "Jokes Your Dad Would Tell", so I only know jokes from there:

There's two fish in a tank. One of them turns to the other and says," Do you know how to drive this thing?"

5. How many languages do you speak?
I speak English, obviously. I took 5 years of french in middle/high school, but I only remember a little of it.

6. Why did you start blogging?
I thought I had a lot to say. But, I've realized that a few bloggers I've met seem like great people online, but are either jerks in real life or not who they seem to be online. Now I blog to try to be the same person online as I am offline.

7. Do you use bar soap or liquid body wash?
Both. We keep both in the bath tub, so it depends on how I'm feeling that day. Yesterday I used bar soap.

8. Do you buy bottled water?
Lately, yes. Our water filter on the fridge broke and it's super expensive to fix, and the tap water is really gross.

9. What did you think of the Super Bowl Half Time Show?
I thought it was pretty bad. They seemed to be screaming and yelling instead of singing. But the rest of the Super Bowl was great. GO PACK GO!

10. How do you feel about Steve Carell leaving The Office?
Indifferent. I haven't watched The Office in a long time, so it doesn't matter to me.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Blizzards and SUPER BOWL CHAMPS!

Two big events happened in the past week, one that made Wisconsin ecstatic and one that did not.

First, THE PACKERS ARE SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!!!! I still can't believe it. We are so excited! And everyone seems to be celebrating everywhere I have been today.

Aaron Rodgers and Clay Matthews (photo from

Something that was less exciting but still a big deal was the Blizzard of 2011. We ended up with about 2 feet of snow. There was even thunder-snow and it was super windy, it was practically a white-out. Here's a photo of me in our side yard:

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

New Years Resolution!

I know what you're thinking. It's February. Isn't it a little late for New Year's Resolutions? Well, yes. But I swear, I made my list of resolutions on New Year's Eve like every other person. But tonight (as I am huddled underneath my blanket, stuck in my house until at least tomorrow afternoon due to a major blizzard happening at this moment) I am thinking about how I've done really bad on one particular resolution:

learn to let go

That is a really abstract resolution, but one I am determined to believe that if I can do, I will get over a lot of issues I have.

I don't let go of things easily. I don't get over things easily. I dwell. It's probably unhealthy the amount of time I spend dwelling on things. And it's not only thinking about things, I tend to harbor feelings of guilt and regret. Especially regret. I really wish things would've been different is a common thought in my head. The words I didn't say, the way a relationship ended, how I acted, how someone I was with acted. These are all things that, even after months and months, in some cases a year or more, I still feel regret over. I feel guilty over. It seems like I can't even help it, I've always been this way.

I have no idea if this is normal or not. More so, I have no idea how to NOT dwell. I don't know how to let go. Which is why I made a resolution to learn! But that is not going so well. Apparently there are no books that explain exactly how to let go of past mistakes and emotions and things that are not healthy to keep inside.

So I guess I'm looking for advice, stories, or anything at all that can point me in the right direction. Because one thing is for sure, I'm sick of losing sleep over something that ended more than a little while ago.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A New Semester

Spring semester started for me today, I have 4 out of 5 classes on the Tuesday/Thursday rotation. The other class is Friday mornings. As of right now, I AM ACTUALLY EXCITED. I had to capitalize that because it's a new feeling for me. Normally at the beginning of a semester I get incredibly nervous or worried. Like ridiculously so. But this semester seems different. Or maybe I have an optimistic outlook right now, but I have a feeling I can change the world this time around.

Or at least start to.

Nuit Blanche

This is possibly the most stunning short film I have ever seen. Or at least the most stunning one I have seen in a long time.

Nuit Blanche from Spy Films on Vimeo.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Thinking of people who made me, me

I was recently challenged to spend 15 minutes writing down every person who has ever touched my life in any way. Whether that way was good or bad, if that person some way helped me become the person I am today, I had to write them down.

At first, this was really easy. I was writing down the major people in my life, my mom, my best friends, the girls I talk to every week, and so on. But after a few minutes I really had to think. I went back to grade school. Who were my friends then? Which teachers affected me? I went through the years of my life, thinking of memories, people I don't think about anymore.

I wrote down my ex's. I cried a little over my most recent boyfriend. I thought of the people in my life who I consider role models. The women I look up to. I wrote down the loved ones who have passed.

All in all, I ended up with 80+ names, some of whom I haven't thought about in years, some of whom I talk to on a regular basis. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the list, but it definitely made me thankful and realize how blessed I am for the amazing people in my life.

Friday, January 21, 2011


I've been meaning to write here since the beginning of the year, but I have been feeling really uninspired lately. Which is unfortunate, because the spring semester starts next week, where I will need to be creative. So in an attempt to get inspired, I browsed through some Tumblr accounts and saved things I liked. Here's a few: