But no song has had a bigger effect on me this past year than You Are More by Tenth Avenue North. Two times since last summer I've dealt with feelings of not being enough. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not good enough, not worth fighting for. Once was after a very hard break-up (there's a bigger issue here, I plan on writing about sometime this week) and once during last semester where I honestly just wanted to leave school because I thought I wasn't good enough. I convinced myself that friends and family that told me that wasn't true were just saying that.
After that break-up I stopped eating, or when I did eat, I threw it up. I lost weight. I tried to pretend that I was all these things I wasn't, because that made me feel better. I put up walls. Every time someone asked me how I was I answered "I'm fine" automatically.
But during both of these times, I heard this song unexpectedly. Once while my iPod was on random and I was sleeping, I woke up and it was playing, and once on the radio in the car. It was like the song was written just for me, for those times. (Obviously, I know it wasn't, but still…) It stopped me dead in my tracks. When I was driving, I literally had to pull over because I was crying so hard.
It in no way healed me of my issues. I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I still wonder if God has forgotten me sometimes. But it definitely helps me keep hope. Hope that I am more than fears and pain and my past. And you are too. We are so much more that all of the things we have been through, all of our mistakes, all of our regrets. Everything. God has so much more for us planned… even if we have a hard time remembering that sometimes.