One Screen at a Time

I've heard a lot about people taking a technology fast. You know, going a few days, a week, or longer with out their cell phones, computers, TV, etc. I wish I could do that, but I can't. It's not that I am not able to because I am THAT dependent on them, it's because of school. I cannot go a few days without using my computer, because being a photography major, taking a digital photography course, I pretty much need my computer every few days. I couldn't even go without my internet because of the online drop box I have to turn in my assignments for journalism in to.

So, I was thinking I'd have to wait until after the semester to do a technology fast. However, today I read a column in Entertainment Weekly about the columnists voyage to consume less media. He realized that too often he is using two or more screens at once.

I do this too. Surf the internet as I watch TV. Check my email on my phone, while watching a documentary on my computer. The list goes on. Instead of devoting my attention to one thing, I am constantly multitasking.

My new goal is to only use on screen at a time. Today was my first day, and not only was doing homework easier than doing homework and watching a movie at the same time, when I sat down to watch Pretty Little Liars (don't judge), I actually watched it, let myself escape for an hour, then came back and sent out the emails I needed to. The emails would've taken me the entire hour had I tried to so them at the same time as watching the show.

I'd call the first day a success. I hope that I can not only make this a habit but expand it to one tab open in my internet browser at a time (right now I have this page, facebook, twitter, and my email open… not productive.) I hope that I can become more focused, productive, and consume less media, but still keep up on current events, film, and the shows I like to watch. And actually watch these things.

Ten on Tuesday- February 22nd

Before I give this weeks questions a go, let me tell you a "funny" story about what happened to me this morning.

I abruptly awoke around 4am. I could clearly read the clock that said 3:58, however, I managed to convince myself that my clock was lying and it was actually 5:45, the time I have to get up at. So I get dressed, and put an english muffin in the toaster. Half way through buttering it, it dawned on me. My clock weren't lying, it actually was 4am. So I finished my muffin and tried unsuccessfully to go back to bed. Funny right?

Anyways, here are todays Ten on Tuesdays. If you want to take part in this too, clicky here.

1. What are your thoughts on Valentine's Day? Do you love it? Hate it?

I have mixed feelings about it. I generally feel that people put too much pressure on their significant other. Did you know some girls actually break-up with their boyfriends because they didn't get what they wanted to Valentine's Day? Anyways, I like the idea of a day devoted to showing the one you love, you love them. However, isn't that what everyday is for? I mean, I don't expect gifts or lavish dinners everyday (I seriously do not expect that or want in a relationship) but shouldn't the one you love know you love them by their actions all the time?

2. What is your favorite romantic comedy?

I cannot think of one romantic comedy offhand unless Enchanted counts. Who doesn't love Amy Adams and that guy whose name escapes me right now. But normally rom coms aren't my thing.

3. Meg Ryan & John Mellencamp: what's your first reaction?

I'm supposed to have a reaction to that? Were they in a movie together that I haven't seen?

4. All time favorite poem or quote?

"It is the experienced, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found."

From the book, Into the Wild

5. What's the longest amount of time you've gone without sleep? (like consecutive hours).

I think it was about 30 hours. And the people I was with were awesome, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

6. What color ink do you prefer to use?

Blue.

7. Share with us a blog that you recently found and fell in love with (and link us!)

Deeper Story

8. If you could be on a reality TV show which one would you chose?

I don't watch much reality TV, but I think Amazing Race would be awesome.

9. Mountains or Beach?

Definitely mountains.

10. With the Oscars around the corner, what's your pick for best picture?

The Fighter. Only because that's the only movie I've seen that's nominated for best picture. Unless Toy Story 3 is nominated, then I pick that. And if it wasn't then it should have been.

Turning Things Around

Lately I've been on fire. And I mean that in a good way. I've had a sudden burst of optimism that followed a moment of clarity. For a long time now, I've been pretty pessimistic. I've been cynical and mistrusting and pretty much scared at what the future holds.

Then, one day this week, it came to me. Why shouldn't I just be optimistic? So, I prayed over that thought, and it made perfect sense. Instead of letting my fears dictate me, instead of being afraid that something won't happen, I should be hopeful, no, expectant that God is going to provide. He will always do what is best for me even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. And since then, things have fallen into place. Granted they are little things, but enough to make me realize how blessed I truly am.

And that feeling, I can't even describe it. The feeling you have when you know that God is on your side, that everything will work out, that your past does not have the power to tell you who you are and who you are going to be, realizing all that, it's amazing.

I've also rediscovered my love for Third Day's Run to You (did I tell you, my friend Pam and I are going to see Third Day and Tenth Avenue North in concert next month!!) so I will leave you with this:

How He Loves, Flyleaf cover

If you listen to contemporary Christian music you've probably heard the song How He Loves. Originally written and sung by John Mark McMillan, popularly covered by the Steven Crowder Band. I love love love that song. But my favorite cover is by Flyleaf. I originally saw a video of the song last year on Youtube, but I just found out it is on iTunes now!

Anyways, I love the passion in her voice, and I love the words to the song, and God's love pouring through.

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves…

As of Late

Lately I've been dwelling on regrets more often than normal.

Lately I've been listening to The Ember Days' Fingerpainting EP while trying to relax.

Lately I've been really emotional.

Lately I've been praying more than I normally do.

Lately I've been really inspired in my two photo classes.

Lately I've eaten lots of candy.

Lately I realized that I have a lot to figure out still.

Favorite quote, from my favorite book because I am trying to inspire myself

"It is the experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found."
-Chris McCandless, Into the Wild

Inspiration and photos and fears

I was going to start out this post with a quote from my media law class, but after I typed it I realized that it might send the feds after me. So I'll just tell you it had something to do with directions on how to make a nuclear weapon. But I swear, it was all for the understanding of law-type stuff!

Anyways, today was sort of a weird day. I had no motivation to go to 3 of my 4 classes, but I forced myself to and ended up being pretty happy I did. I'm especially happy I had 2 strokes of inspiration, one for each of the 2 photo projects I need to do in the next week. And especially for my project for installation… it's too long to explain, but I am super excited for this one!

Tonight I've been going through old photos to use for said photo project. Which is… emotional. I realized there are a lot of memories I tend to suppress because it's either too hard for me to think about or the person associated with that memory is someone who hurt me or I hurt them. But I'm not staying away from those photos. I'm putting them in as an effort to try to move on. Let go.

I also had a really deep conversation with a classmate I don't know all too well about fears. Specifically my fear of never finding my "soul-mate" or future husband. Her fear is opposite of mine, which is falling out of love with her future husband. Neither of us did anything to console or help each others fears, but it was nice putting it out there. And being transparent for once.

So yes, that was my day. I have Glee and NCIS on my DVR, so if you watch those shows, please don't tell me anything about them!

Ten on Tuesday: February 15th Edition

This weeks questions, found here are very summer-ish, which is awesome, being that it feels like summer is on the way. It was 40 degrees here, and it's supposed to get up to 50 by the end of the week! Anyways, here it goes:

1. Any vacations you are looking forward to this summer?

This isn't a vacation per say, but the national church conference I attend every year, HOPE, is in Arizona this year. I cannot wait for that!

2. What is your favorite article of summer clothing (shoes are included)?

Sandals. My feet like to be free!

3. What is your favorite summer drink (alcoholic or non)?

Sweet tea.

4. Do you tan or burn?

I burn very badly, then it turns to tan.

5. Any goals you are working toward this summer?

Yes, but not any that I'm willing to share at this moment. It's a surprise!

6. What is your favorite summertime food?

Bratwurst. That has simmered in beer. Then cooked on the grill. So yummy!

7. What song most says “summer” to you?

Zak Brown Band, "Toes"

8. Any home improvement goals planned for this summer?

Maybe some cleaning, but nothing major.

9. What is one thing you hate to see at the beach?

Speedos, but only on old people. I used to be on the swim team, so I have no problem with speedos on fit young people.

10. Did you ever go to a summer camp?

I go to a week-long church conference every year, and when I was in high school I went to swim camps, which were normally pretty awesome.

6 Confessions

Lately I've been seeing on various blogs "6 Confessions" posts. I feel like joining in too! Here are mine:

1. My biggest fear is that either I'll never find the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with or I already have and I messed it up.

2. I really hate chicken.

3. I love driving long distances. It clears my head. I tend to go for drives when I'm upset.

4. I tend to dwell on the past, especially regrets, mistakes, and things that didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. I also take a long time (probably an unhealthily long time) to get over things. Which is why my resolution this year was to learn to let go, which is incredibly hard to do.

5. My best friends live in Iowa and California. I live in Wisconsin. It's hard, but we make it work, and I would not be who I am right now without them.

6. I love coloring books. More than a 22-year-old should.

Lies

I'll never be good enough.

If I were skinnier, he would've stayed.

I should be more like her.

It's totally my fault. He just told me it wasn't to make me feel better.

I don't deserve to be happy.

I need to be prettier for him to like me.

There must be something wrong with me.

I am not good enough.

I am not smart enough.

I am not creative enough.

I am not pretty enough.

No one actually likes me.

THESE ARE ALL LIES.

And I bet you have told yourself one of these. I bet you have made yourself believe one of these. I know I have. In fact these are direct quotes from my journals. I have told myself these things so many times. Others have told me these things. Over and over again. Until I believed them as truth.

But these are not the truth.

The truth is you are beautiful.

You are made in God's image.

You are made the way He meant you to be.

There is nothing wrong with you.

You deserve to be happy.

You deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are. Not who they want you to be.

You are incredible and wonderful and loved. Remember that. That is the truth.

Pneumonia :(

I went to the doctor yesterday, after going to the student health clinic before the weekend, because I have a terrible cough and chest pain and I can't even breathe deeply or make it through two sentences without coughing.

The heath center pretty much told me I have a virus, gave me some cough medicine (which ended up not helping one bit), and made me leave.

So yesterday, I go to the doctor, and then I get a chest x-ray, and it turns out I have pneumonia (that's an incredibly hard word to spell!). Which means antibiotics for a week, cough medicine with codeine in it for at night, and a new inhaler to control my asthma. Fantastic, except not at all.

So yeah. That was pretty much the extent of my day.

Oh, wait! We had a really cool artist come and speak to my photography and installation class today. Check out her work here.

Offended

Being an art major is pretty awesome. It pushes me into finding creative solutions for problems. It pushes me to be creative, even during times I'm not feeling it. I like a lot of the people I meet in the program. However, a lot of people I meet are atheist, which is fine with me, except for those who feel the need to offend my belief in God. Which happens a lot more than I'd like it to in my classes.

A few years ago, I witnessed someone who had been in my drawing class literally spit in the face of an evangelist preaching on campus.

I can't begin to count the number of times I have heard God being compared to Santa Claus.

And yesterday I had a conversation that included this, "I'm sorry there are no kids to rape so I'll just read from the Bible, I mean, it's boring and made up anyways." Let me put that into context for you: the teacher for my 8am class told us that if we are late, we can give a performance to the class instead of taking the half absence. The guy I was talking to and I were talking about the things we could do, I said, I'll keep a copy of the Constitution in my bag and read it if I'm late. Then he said, "You could just keep one of those little bibles they hand out and read that." Then he said "And when the teacher stops me I'll say:… (insert the quote from above here)"

I was SO offended by that. But it got me thinking, a lot of conversations I've heard that are anti-Christianity are largely based on misconceptions. Or conceptions based on one person who calls themselves Christian. Or what the media portrays.

But what makes me more made is that I don't have the guts to stand up for what I believe when I'm offended by people. I hate that about myself. I hate that I'm too shy to stand up to my peers when they offend me. So not only am I left feeling like I am the only 21-year-old in the world who believes in God, believes in saving sex until marriage, believes in marriage in general, etc. I'm also left feeling mad at myself for not being the person I am called to be. For not being a witness to God's glory.

Ten on Tuesday: Feb. 8, 2011

1.What’s your favorite kind of donut?

I love Dunkin Donuts! I know that is not a specific kind, but I hardly ever get Dunkin Donuts due to the severe lack of them in the Milwaukee area. Their iced coffee is also fantastic!

2. Do you use the snooze button?

Yes, all the time. I actually set my alarm so I can press the snooze button twice. So, if I want to get up at 6 am, I set my alarm for 5:42, because my sleep alarm is 9 minutes.

3. Do you write in cursive, print, or a combination of the two?

A combination of the two.

4. Tell us a joke.

I'm really bad with jokes, but my friend is currently doing a weekly series called "Jokes Your Dad Would Tell", so I only know jokes from there:

There's two fish in a tank. One of them turns to the other and says," Do you know how to drive this thing?"

5. How many languages do you speak?

I speak English, obviously. I took 5 years of french in middle/high school, but I only remember a little of it.

6. Why did you start blogging?

I thought I had a lot to say. But, I've realized that a few bloggers I've met seem like great people online, but are either jerks in real life or not who they seem to be online. Now I blog to try to be the same person online as I am offline.

7. Do you use bar soap or liquid body wash?

Both. We keep both in the bath tub, so it depends on how I'm feeling that day. Yesterday I used bar soap.

8. Do you buy bottled water?

Lately, yes. Our water filter on the fridge broke and it's super expensive to fix, and the tap water is really gross.

9. What did you think of the Super Bowl Half Time Show?

I thought it was pretty bad. They seemed to be screaming and yelling instead of singing. But the rest of the Super Bowl was great. GO PACK GO!

10. How do you feel about Steve Carell leaving The Office?

Indifferent. I haven't watched The Office in a long time, so it doesn't matter to me.

Blizzards and SUPER BOWL CHAMPS!

Two big events happened in the past week, one that made Wisconsin ecstatic and one that did not.

First, THE PACKERS ARE SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!!!! I still can't believe it. We are so excited! And everyone seems to be celebrating everywhere I have been today.

Aaron Rodgers and Clay Matthews (photo from jsonline.com)

Something that was less exciting but still a big deal was the Blizzard of 2011. We ended up with about 2 feet of snow. There was even thunder-snow and it was super windy, it was practically a white-out. Here's a photo of me in our side yard:

New Years Resolution!

I know what you're thinking. It's February. Isn't it a little late for New Year's Resolutions? Well, yes. But I swear, I made my list of resolutions on New Year's Eve like every other person. But tonight (as I am huddled underneath my blanket, stuck in my house until at least tomorrow afternoon due to a major blizzard happening at this moment) I am thinking about how I've done really bad on one particular resolution:

learn to let go

That is a really abstract resolution, but one I am determined to believe that if I can do, I will get over a lot of issues I have.

I don't let go of things easily. I don't get over things easily. I dwell. It's probably unhealthy the amount of time I spend dwelling on things. And it's not only thinking about things, I tend to harbor feelings of guilt and regret. Especially regret. I really wish things would've been different is a common thought in my head. The words I didn't say, the way a relationship ended, how I acted, how someone I was with acted. These are all things that, even after months and months, in some cases a year or more, I still feel regret over. I feel guilty over. It seems like I can't even help it, I've always been this way.

I have no idea if this is normal or not. More so, I have no idea how to NOT dwell. I don't know how to let go. Which is why I made a resolution to learn! But that is not going so well. Apparently there are no books that explain exactly how to let go of past mistakes and emotions and things that are not healthy to keep inside.

So I guess I'm looking for advice, stories, or anything at all that can point me in the right direction. Because one thing is for sure, I'm sick of losing sleep over something that ended more than a little while ago.