Facebook-less For A While

Sorry for the lack of posts the past week or so… but I was on vacation, and the last thing I wanted to see was my computer. To help with that, I decided that it'd be a great idea to deactivate my Facebook account for the time I was away. Which, turned out to be an awesome idea.

I tend to over-check facebook. On my computer, on my phone, all the time. So, deactivating my account, and deleting the app off of my phone considerably decreased the amount of time I spent using those things. And some great things happened with that time.

First, I realized the world does not end if I am not constantly connected with everyone I have ever been acquainted with. Seriously. The thing I love about social networking is how easy it is to know what is going on in everybody's lives. But that is also the thing I hate. It's like information overload. It is also incredibly impersonal. I'd rather find out about someone's great day because I took the time to call them, not because they wrote it as a status.

Second, which should have really been first because this was the best part, on more than one occasion, when I normally would have been in my own little world, checking facebook, like while waiting for the bus I ended up having great conversations with complete strangers. I saw things I would have missed.

There's a whole lot more I could get into, but I have homework to do, a shower to take, and a bed to tuck myself into.

From My Journal

I feel at peace sitting here, in the sunshine. It's as if nothing has been wrong these past few months. This is, literally, the first sign of spring after a long winter. Maybe it's just this sunshine, but it feels that way in my heart, too.

Not So Good Men

I had a different post planned for tonight, but then I had a conversation with one of my friends today, and that made me realize something, and I think it is very important to get it out, so here it goes:

My friend, I'll refer to her as "A", has been dating this guy for about a year now. At first they were good together, but lately he has been really distant and not keeping his promises to her. Even as simple as "I'll pick you up for lunch tomorrow." For the past few weeks, she has complained constantly about him not texting her back, making other plans and not including her, and pretty much being a jerk. I don't want to place all the blame on him though. "A" has been kind of ridiculous too, having other people talk to him and then tell her what he said, and refusing to communicate problems with him. But today, she told me his problem was because they haven't had sex.

I kind of wanted to punch him. But I don't actually punch people, so I wouldn't.

She's not the saving herself for marriage type. She's done it before, but she wanted this relationship to be different. She wanted it to be emotional, not just physical. And now he is about to break up with her over it.

This breaks my heart. As someone who is not going to have sex until I am married, I lose a little faith when I hear things like this. I can't believe someone would say, "if you don't sleep with me, I am going to break up with you, even though I know that you have been uncomfortable with the times you have had sex before, and are just not ready to have it with me, because in the end, sex ruined me and the relationship."

And it reminds me of one of the reasons I am single right now (besides the fact that I have a hard time getting over the last person I dated) and the reason is this:

A lot of men I know are not good men. When I say that, I don't mean all the men who are not good men are bad people. But they are not mature or they are controlling or they are just plain jerks to women.

It's not just the sex issue.

It's the men I know who tell women that they need to have their nails painted and nicely done all the time. Even their toes. In the middle of winter, when feet don't see the light of day.

It's the men who tell women how to dress, what they "prefer" on them.

It's the men who say women have to wear make-up, and shouldn't have a sweatpants day.

It's the men that would rather get drunk every Friday night, then stay in and watch a movie even though his girlfriend doesn't drink.

It's the men that try to take off a women's clothes, even when she says no.

It's the men who hit a woman and tell them "It'll never happen again"

It's the men that degrade women in their "jokes".

It's the men that tell you that you don't matter. Your beliefs are a joke.

It's the men that make you feel powerless.

I could go on.

But before I go any further, I'd just like to say that I know all men are not like this. There are good men in the world. I know a few myself.

I'd also like to say that either myself or one of my close friends has been a victim to everyone of those points. These things actually happen.

It's terrible. It's terrible to go through, and it's terrible to watch someone go through. But what is even worse is when you have to convince that woman that those things should not be happening.

It is so hard to tell someone going through this that they need to break up with that person. It is devastating when you have to convince someone that those things are abuse, and are not normal. It's hard to pick up the pieces. To convince someone that they are WORTH IT. That they are BEAUTIFUL and STRONG and DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER.

But that is the truth.

So I beg you, if you happen to read this and any one of those things are happening to you, please, get help. If you know someone who this is happening to, get help. We are worth more than this, we deserve better than this. I know, more than anyone it's hard to believe sometimes, but try to remember this.

You Are More

Friday night, I got to attend a fantastic concert with my friend Pam. Tenth Avenue North and Third Day. They are two of my favorite bands. Some of their songs I have listened to in the darkest points of my life and reminded me about the light of God.

But no song has had a bigger effect on me this past year than You Are More by Tenth Avenue North. Two times since last summer I've dealt with feelings of not being enough. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not good enough, not worth fighting for. Once was after a very hard break-up (there's a bigger issue here, I plan on writing about sometime this week) and once during last semester where I honestly just wanted to leave school because I thought I wasn't good enough. I convinced myself that friends and family that told me that wasn't true were just saying that.

After that break-up I stopped eating, or when I did eat, I threw it up. I lost weight. I tried to pretend that I was all these things I wasn't, because that made me feel better. I put up walls. Every time someone asked me how I was I answered "I'm fine" automatically.

But during both of these times, I heard this song unexpectedly. Once while my iPod was on random and I was sleeping, I woke up and it was playing, and once on the radio in the car. It was like the song was written just for me, for those times. (Obviously, I know it wasn't, but still…) It stopped me dead in my tracks. When I was driving, I literally had to pull over because I was crying so hard.

It in no way healed me of my issues. I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I still wonder if God has forgotten me sometimes. But it definitely helps me keep hope. Hope that I am more than fears and pain and my past. And you are too. We are so much more that all of the things we have been through, all of our mistakes, all of our regrets. Everything. God has so much more for us planned… even if we have a hard time remembering that sometimes.

Friday!

I love Fridays! Especially Fridays when I do not have to work in the evening, like today! In honor of this (and because I think this will help me be more optimistic), here is a list of things that are making me happy/things I am looking forward to:

• Tonight I am going to see Tenth Avenue North and Third Day in concert with my friend Pam! I've been looking forward to this for weeks.
• It's sunny out today! And 40 degrees!
• Leaving for Arizona for Spring Break next Friday!
• I found out that Skillet is playing a free show at this big festival in Tempe, AZ next weekend. I convinced my mom we should go. She agreed even though she doesn't really like Skillet.
• I finished my installation photography project. And the critique went well.
• This Sunday I will officially become a member of the church I've been attending since September. (and I have a cute outfit to wear… I know, that sounds bad, but I love reasons to get dressed up, and this is one!)

Anyways, hope you all have a great weekend!

Lent

So, today is Mardi Gras! Aside from planning on gorging myself at lunch because I won't have time to eat dinner until like 9 tonight, I don't have any special plans. I do have a big critique in my installation photography class, which I'm actually super excited/nervous for, because I absolutely love my project (photos to come later).

Anyways, tomorrow starts Lent. Normally I give something up. Last year I gave up soda. It didn't help me with my love of Dr. Pepper, I still drink it. But it was a good experience. A lot of people I know are giving up social media. I think that is a good idea, however I actually use social media for a purpose and to connect to the kids I work with in a relevant way (and one where they actually respond, compared to email, which apparently is dead to high schoolers).

This year, I decided to do something different for Lent. Instead of giving something up I am going to take something on. I decided that every day of Lent I am going to do something good for someone. I am going to try and be conscious of what is going on around me and look for opportunities to love on people. Whether it be holding the door open for someone with their hands full, holding the door open for someone who doesn't have their hands full, helping someone carry groceries to their car, or whatever falls in front of me. I am going to pray about it, because I definitely need God's help with this one. Also, I am open to anybody's ideas of ways I can do something good for someone.

What are you doing for Lent?

Ten on Tuesday- March 8th!

Ten on Tuesday time!

1. How did your parents decide on your name?

I asked my mom, she said Kristin was just a name they liked. My middle name, Marie, is her middle name and my great-grandma's first name.

2. Do your initials (First, Middle, Last) spell out anything fun/funny?

KML. No. I wish they did though.

3. Did you take your middle name from childhood or did you take your maiden name as your middle name? (If unmarried, what do you plan to do?)

I think I'll keep my middle name.

4. Are you or will you name your children thematically (ie. same first letter, all of same origin…)

Probably not, but I guess it's a possibility. However, I'm a fan of names that have family meaning, even if they're considered "weird".

5. Did you decide on baby names as a little girl? Did you stick to them or change your mind?

I never really thought of names for kids as a little girl. I think of them now though, and I'd like to stick with them, but I don't think I will, because if I ever get married and have kids, I want to decide on names with my future husband.

6. Does your family have any names that have been passed down through generations?

Yes. As explained before, my middle name, Marie, is handed down. My brother's middle name, William, is also handed down on my dad's side. My dad's name, James William, was his father's name, and ironically my maternal grandfather's name. We have a lot of James and William's in the family, it gets a little confusing.

7. Do you look at the meaning of the name or just the name itself?

I like knowing what names mean, and seeing if the meaning has any effect on the person. However I don't put much stock into the meaning of names. I just think it's an interesting study.

8. Do you name pets with human names (Sally, Henry) or with pet names (Fluffy, Mr. Bo Bo)?

Human names. Out of the three dogs we owned, their names have been human: Brandon and Belle (I guess Belle could go either way, but she is named after the Disney princess). The dog we had the first 5 years of my life was name Muffin.

Edit: I totally forgot to tell you my rabbit's name! His/her name is Bunny. Creative, right? The reason I wrote his/her is because up until a few months ago, we had him for 5 years, and then he had an eye infection, so we took him to a vet. Who told us he was actually a she. Bunny's actual name is Harley, because we got him during Harley Davidson's big 100th anniversary party here in Milwaukee. But we refer to him… I mean her, to Bunny almost always.

9. Are there any names that you have an affinity or dislike for based on a childhood experience/someone you once knew?

A few names. Mostly because of people I know and don't really like for whatever reason.

10. What are some of your favorite names? Why?

Rosalie is my favorite name. I think it is such a gorgeous name and the people I know named Rosalie are incredibly wonderful, beautiful women.